


Coping Mechanisms

by Kibu



Category: Suikoden, Suikoden IV
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied Relationships, M/M, Post-Game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-14 12:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2191428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kibu/pseuds/Kibu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall of the Scarlet Moon Empire, Tir tries to come to grips with the ways his life has changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Finally, it was all over. Everyone had parted ways, each off to his or her own destination. They had wanted me to continue being a leader, but for the entirety of the newly-formed Toran Republic instead of just the Liberation Army. I’m not sure why, exactly; I was just there to hold things together, bringing in people who knew more about how to lead an army than I did. I was a figurehead of a leader, but not a completely mindless one.

I didn’t want to run a country. I didn’t even want to be in Gregminster most of the time.

It had to be just my imagination, but I kept seeing them everywhere like afterimages. Odessa, my father, and most of all, Ted – their ghosts haunted me in that house, in that city. Gremio, at least, seemed to understand my need to get away. Maybe he had seen them too, but even if he had, neither of us was willing to admit it.

My right hand twitched, the involuntary jerk of muscles curling my fingers briefly against the mattress of my bed. A twinge of pain, like another ghost, radiated up to my elbow before dissipating as if it had never happened. Opening my eyes, I stared up at the familiar whitewashed ceiling. I used to love the small pocket of free time between lessons and supper. Ted and I would talk, or play cards, or he would nap while I did my homework – and then after dinner he would shamelessly copy from my paper.

Sometimes we would nap together, curled around each other in the narrow space that my bed provided. He was my best friend, but he was also so, so much more.

I felt the tears spill from the corners of my eyes, barely blurring my vision with how quickly they dripped away. Like small, salty streams they slid past my temples to soak into my hair and eventually make their way to my pillow. They came so often anymore that, while I noticed them happening, I made no attempt to dash them away or stop them from coming. There was no one left to chide me for crying, after all.

Gremio noticed every time, I think, but he never said anything. He just seemed to always, somehow, know which times I needed my space and which times to just hold me tight until the tears ran out. He never said the useless platitudes like ‘it’s okay’ or ‘you’re all right’. We both knew how not okay everything was anymore and that no amount of empty words would ever make it okay.

This time the crying didn’t last long. It only lasted long enough to make the hair behind my ears wet and leave my chest feeling heavy. I was so glad that we were leaving that night. We would return eventually, of course, but for the time being Gremio and I both needed to get out of that house and that city and away from the memories. I’d seen him crying on multiple occasions, though just as he didn’t mention when I did it, I tried not to make a big deal out of it. We both needed this trip.

I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing my hand across my eyes to dry them. When I dropped that hand back to my side, I found myself staring at the rune etched into my skin. The cursed rune, Soul Eater: Ted knew what he had been doing when he gave it to me. He knew the life he was condemning me to. Even so, I couldn’t blame him for everything that had happened afterward. He had given the rune to me, despite its unholy hunger, because he loved me and trusted me. I was the only one strong enough to take the rune and keep it safe.

“But who will keep me safe from it, Ted?” I whispered, immediately feeling foolish for saying it. I was being overly melodramatic, talking to myself in my bedroom. I got up and grabbed my staff and pack from their resting places on the floor beside the nightstand. The pack had been packed and ready for hours, even though we weren’t going to leave until sunset.

Most people would be indoors at that time, and we would be able to leave without drawing too much attention. That was the intent, at least. We could have gone at dawn, but the capitol city was surprisingly active in the early morning. Sunset was better. Traveling in the dark didn’t bother me anymore. There was nothing that could be lurking out there that was more dangerous than I was now, after all.

There was still time before we intended to leave, but I couldn’t stay in that room any longer. Taking my gear with me, I headed out into the hallway. An unexpected sound rang out through the house and I dropped the bag to grip my staff with both hands. Almost immediately I felt even more foolish than when I’d been talking to myself. The sound was only a knock at the door. I was just so keyed-up that I hadn’t recognized it at first.

I left the pack where I’d dropped it but kept my staff in my hand as I walked down to the entryway. For a moment I wondered where Gremio was, but I didn’t call for him. It was possible he was getting some sleep; neither of us had been sleeping well, and I didn’t want to disturb him if he was. I reached up with my free hand to adjust my bandanna and then opened the door.

I didn’t recognize the person standing outside, even if he somehow felt immediately familiar. “Good evening,” he said politely. He was obviously a traveler, his gear rugged and comfortably well-worn. “I’m sorry to bother you this evening. I was told that an old friend of mine lives here and I was hoping to surprise him – but I think I might have the wrong house?” The small smile on his face faltered. I’m sure he was waiting for me to say something, but no words would come.

“By any chance – does a man by the name of Ted live here?” He finally asked despite my silence.

The words, so innocent and small, cut deeper into me than I would have ever expected. I felt my muscles go rigid, my body frozen in place by such simple, simple words. “Ted doesn’t live here anymore,” I finally said stiffly, hating the sharp edge even I could hear in my voice.

He didn’t say anything immediately, just watching me. It was unnerving. I didn’t know him, but the way he was looking at me was like he knew everything about me, even the things I wanted to hide from the world. I self-consciously shifted my right hand so that it was concealed behind me, but I knew that those perceptive blue eyes of his noticed the gesture, and he understood why.

“He was my friend, too,” the stranger said, his voice gentler than I would have expected from someone I didn’t know.

I grit my teeth and said nothing, afraid that if I opened my mouth to speak I’d end up crying again. It was pathetic: I was pathetic. Why couldn’t I just go back to the way I had been while the war was still happening? Comfortably numb, not thinking about painful things – and unaffected by them if they were brought up. I missed that Tir. He got things done without dissolving into a childish mess at the slightest provocation.

“I heard about the war. The war is part of why it took me so long to get here.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “It sort of feels like history is repeating itself: A teenager put in charge of an army fighting in a war to decide the fate of a whole country. The same thing happened to me about 150 years ago.”

I frowned, not sure what to make of that. How could he have led an army 150 years ago? He only looked like he was maybe a couple of years older than I was. Then again, Ted had looked young too. “I don’t-“ I broke off at the sound of a door opening behind me. It reminded me that I was having this whole awkward conversation on my front porch.

“Young Master, is something the matter?” Gremio asked, coming up behind me. Seeing the stranger I was talking with, he stopped short, clearly startled. “Oh! We have a guest.”

“Please come in,” I said, stepping back and holding the door open wider. If Gremio hadn’t been there I might not have done it, but he always had a way of making me think about my actions.

The stranger stepped into the house and I closed the door behind him, propping my staff in the corner of the entryway and feeling foolish for having brought it to the door with me in the first place. Gremio led the way to the living room and I brought up the rear. The stranger walked with an easy confidence, a matched pair of short swords hanging from his hips in scabbards that looked like they’d seen a lot of use over the years.

“Who is your friend, Tir?” Gremio asked, looking from the stranger, to me, and back again.

“I don’t know,” I admitted nervously. “He’s not actually my friend.”

“I’m Lazlo,” the stranger said, relieving at least a little of the tension that had been growing in the room. “I know-“ he stopped himself, a pained look crossing his face momentarily before he spoke again. “I knew Ted.”

“Oh! Oh, goodness. We’ve never met any of Ted’s old friends,” Gremio said, his eyes widening. He looked at me and I saw the concern behind his surprise.

His sympathy was a relief, but I shook my head slightly to tell him not to worry so much. “He didn’t…” I felt my throat start to close on me, and cleared it roughly. “Ted didn’t talk about his past very much,” I said, sitting on the edge of the sofa.

Lazlo sat across from me in the armchair that had been my father’s favorite. “I can’t really say I blame him,” he said, shrugging before resting his hand in his lap. “It’s difficult to explain something you experienced 150 years ago without explaining the runes, too.”

“If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’ll go make tea,” Gremio said, leaving the room quickly.

Being alone with this guy wasn’t really comfortable. I’d had manners drilled into me for years, but I couldn’t bring myself to make stupid small talk. I couldn’t just blurt out any of my serious questions, either. There were so many things that Ted had never told me about his life, but was that because he hadn’t wanted to expose Soul Eater or because it was private, personal information? I didn’t know what I could ask without crossing some invisible line into things that were none of my business.

“How did you two meet?” I finally asked, even though I wasn’t really sure where which side of the line that landed on.

“I mentioned that you and I have had some similar experiences with unexpectedly leading an army,” Lazlo said, glancing down at his hands. He wore gloves. Realizing this made me itch for mine, but they were tucked away with the rest of my gear. “Did Leknaat ever tell you about the Stars of Destiny?”

“No,” I said, tucking my right hand carefully beneath my left. “Fukien from the Qlon Temple did, though. The Stars of Destiny gathered together by the Tenkai Star – you too, then?”

“Yeah, me too,” Lazlo said. “Ted was one of my 108.”

My fingers twisted in my lap as I processed the information. Lazlo had, according to him, been through something like what I’d just dealt with. But he had done it with Ted. There had been so many times during the war when I’d wished I’d had Ted there with me, and this guy had had just that. I couldn’t stop the wave of jealousy; all I could do was try to throttle it down and keep it from showing.

He was watching me when I looked up again, intently focused as if my internal struggle was written on my face. I felt my face flush, and had a momentary glimpse of his doing the same before I quickly looked back down. Lazlo was so straightforward, yet somehow there was a quiet shyness that lurked in the shadows of his eyes.

“We split up after the war,” Lazlo said, breaking the awkward silence. “Everyone went their separate ways, including us, but I bumped into Ted a few times in the years after. We had a lot more time to bump into each other than everyone else, after all.”

My indecision resolved itself suddenly, crystallizing into a need so strong that it ached like a fist of desperation squeezing my heart. “Will you tell me about him?” I asked, clenching my fingers together tightly. “Please. I have to know.”

Lazlo seemed surprised by my question, but after a moment he smiled and nodded. “I’ll trade you,” he said. “I’ll tell you all about the Ted I knew; in return, you tell me all about Ted when he was finally happy.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tir finds out that he and Lazlo have more in common than he thought.

We didn’t talk very much after that. Gremio came back with the tea and the conversation, what little of it there was, turned to our impending departure.

Lazlo, it turned out, didn’t have a destination in mind for himself. Since we had agreed to tell each other about things, it almost seemed like a given that he would accompany Gremio and me. Having him along was oddly comforting and nerve-wracking all at once. At least it was only the three of us and nobody expected me to take full charge.

We were nearly to the Jowston border checkpoint before we ran into our first snag. Leaving Gregminster proper had been easy; it had been almost fully dark, and the few people I saw out and about barely glanced in our direction. I had found one of my father’s old travel cloaks, which was large enough to conceal two of me and was in a perfectly nondescript shade of dusty brown. Something that simple would help me avoid the casual observer, but it wasn’t enough to fool a ninja.

It was like she materialized out of thin air. One moment the path ahead of us was clear; the next moment, Kasumi was there. “Are you leaving, Master Tir?” she asked, her dark eyes intently following my every move.

“Yes,” I said. There was no reason to lie about it, even if I thought I could manage to get away with it. “For a little while,” I amended. Someday I would come back to Gregminster: when I was ready and able to face the ghosts of my past, I would return to that empty house.

She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but closed it and nodded without saying a word. I never quite knew what was going through her head. Finally, after a long, tense silence, all she said was, “Come back safely,” before vanishing as suddenly as she had arrived.

“She seems like a very kind person,” Gremio said, glancing at me from beneath the cover of his own travel cloak.

Kasumi had always been nice to me, seeming like she genuinely cared about how I was doing. She had been someone who checked in on me often near the end of the war, back when I had gone almost completely numb; before Leknaat worked a miracle and brought Gremio back to me. How much she appeared to care about me was the whole problem, though. She wanted to be close to me, but I never wanted to get too close to anyone else ever again. I wouldn’t risk the rune taking away anyone else. Not again.

“She is,” I agreed, but didn’t elaborate. “Let’s keep moving.” I walked ahead of them, taking the point position once again. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Thankfully, Lazlo and Gremio seemed to understand that and didn’t pursue the subject.

* * *

Banner Village, just on the other side of the border, was a tiny, sleepy little place. It took more than a few days to get there from the capital, but the peace I felt when I entered the village was instantaneous.

The inn was small but comfortable, and the proprietor didn’t even blink in my direction while Lazlo secured a room for us. The key that Lazlo obtained from the innkeeper opened the room at the very top of the inn. It held three beds, a chest of drawers, a small shelf of uninteresting-looking books, and a large window at each end of the room.

The view from each of the windows was incredible. I could look out over the whole sleepy little hamlet. The window on one side of the room oversaw the town and out toward the river and the fishing boats that bobbed gently in the current, while the window on the opposite side gave a perfect view of the forested mountain path we had just trekked our way through. Just on the edge of the village, nearly hidden from even my elevated view, I could see a small dock that stuck out over a sheltered pond.

Gremio sighed, hanging up his cloak before sitting down on the bed nearest the door. “It’s funny how difficult it is to get used to sleeping on the ground again,” he said, running a hand over the coverlet. “We should rest for a while. You must be exhausted, Young Master.”

“I’m all right,” I said, tearing myself away from the window and its tempting view. “Go ahead and take a nap, Gremio. I’ll be over there.” I pointed over my shoulder at the window. “Lazlo, by any chance do you like fishing?”

As it turned out, Lazlo and I both enjoyed fishing. Gremio’s worries were appeased since I wouldn’t be alone, and even before he had completely settled in we had tossed our cloaks on the hooks and gone off in search of equipment.

Finding the right gear wasn’t difficult in a little town on the water. Fishing was a big deal in a little river village. The innkeeper himself rented us everything we needed for a nominal fee, granting us the use of the gear for the whole length of our stay and even offering to have whatever we caught cooked up for us afterward.

It was a pleasant afternoon. The sun was filtered by puffs of pure white clouds, allowing the day to be warm but at the same time helping to keep it from being unbearable. There was a breeze off the water as well, toying playfully with the tails of my bandanna and Lazlo’s headband. It was… comfortable.

The mostly-hidden dock was large enough for two people to sit side-by-side, but not much more than that. We sat together on the very edge, angling our feet over the water. I hadn’t known Lazlo for more than a few days, but it felt like it had been far longer than that already.

“I wonder if we’ll actually catch anything,” Lazlo commented, baiting the hook on his line and casting it out into the water.

“I don’t know,” I said, following suit. “It’s nice just to do it, regardless.” I leaned back, resting on one arm and hanging onto the rod with just my right hand. “It’s so peaceful here.”

“That’s probably a welcome change,” Lazlo said. The understatement was so massive that it startled a bark of laughter out of me. He smiled, shifting into a more comfortable position. “I’m glad to see that you still know how to laugh, Tir.”

His words sobered me instantly. The day felt suddenly colder; the sun was dimmer, the clouds darker and more ominous. Even the familiar weight of the fishing pole in my hand was suddenly uncomfortable and wrong.

“It’s okay to laugh, Tir,” Lazlo said, his voice quiet and gentle, as if he was speaking to a spooked horse. “You’re still allowed to be happy and find joy in your life.”

“Yeah,” I said, reaching for the words I didn’t believe, but knew from past experience made for an effective shield. “I know.” My voice sounded flat even to my own ears, and I knew instantly that he saw right through me. “Thank you. You’re right.”

Lazlo sighed, but stayed blessedly silent otherwise. He kept to himself until I reeled my line in; I’d thought it might be a fish, but it was only a clump of water weed tangled around the still-baited hook. Lazlo reeled in as well, setting his pole down on the dock beside him.

“Tir, I’m not going to tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel right now,” he said, turning slightly so that he could look straight on at me. “All I can tell you for certain is that I’ve been through a situation that, while not the same, was very similar in a lot of ways. The guilt fades after awhile, and so does the pain. It doesn’t seem like it right now, but you are allowed to live your life and enjoy it just like anyone else.”

“You…” I trailed off, biting my tongue against a bitter retort. He was just trying to be kind; he didn’t deserve to get snarled at for his efforts. “Forget it.”

“I what?” he prompted, sitting patiently and watching me with a maddeningly calm expression. “You were going to say that I don’t understand, weren’t you?”

“You _don’t_ understand!” I exclaimed, surprised by the force behind my words. “Nobody does! I watched them die. I _caused_ it. I heard the rune howl; felt a sick sort of satisfaction each time when it took them. You can’t possibly understand what it’s like, Lazlo!” I dropped the pole on the dock beside me and wrenched the glove off my right hand, showing clearly the rune that marked my skin. It glowed faintly in response to my outburst, its edges illuminated even in the afternoon sunlight.

“No, I don’t know what it’s like to hold Soul Eater,” Lazlo agreed. I envied his calm, feeling my own heart racing and my breath coming quickly like I’d been running. “But I can understand some of where you’re coming from. You aren’t the only one who’s cursed.” He pulled off his left glove, revealing a rune I had never seen before. “This is the Rune of Punishment,” he explained. “Its power comes at a cost – the life of whoever bears it. It burns out the bearer every time they use it until it kills them, then it transfers itself to the nearest person in its range. All of the people who have lost their lives to the rune are still there. Now I can hear the shades of them, especially in my nightmares.”

Lazlo clenched his jaw for a moment, looking down at his rune with a mixed expression that I recognized from my own mirror: a deep loathing, paired awkwardly with an equally deep respect and a guilty sort of pride. He sighed, and I felt my anger begin to cool.

“So no,” he finally said and looked up at my face. “I don’t understand. I do, however, think that I’m in a unique position where I can empathize with what you’re dealing with, and I want to help you in any way that I can.” He reached out, grabbing my right hand with his left before I could pull away. He laced our uncovered fingers together and squeezed gently.

“The rune-“ I started, but stopped short. Soul Eater was silent. I met Lazlo’s eyes, and he answered the question I hadn’t yet vocalized.

“I had a feeling,” he said. “It was the same way with Ted back then. The runes don’t react the same way you’re used to if both people have one.” Lazlo let go of my hand and pulled his glove back on. I did the same; I was more comfortable with gloves on, and it seemed like the same could be said for Lazlo.

“When I first met Ted, he was trying to escape from the responsibility of carrying that rune,” Lazlo said. As he spoke, he retrieved his fishing pole and flicked the line back out into the water. “During the war I was involved in, the army’s base was a huge ship – more like a floating fortress, really, that traveled around the Island Nations. One day this strange, dense fog surrounded the ship and we almost crashed into a huge, mysterious ship that came out of nowhere. It was like it just materialized out of the fog without warning.

“The ship was empty on the inside except for a hooded guide who met us at the entrance and the captain of the ship that the guide promised to take us to see. The captain of the ship was a monster; the guide who brought us to him was Ted. The captain had taken Soul Eater from Ted under the pretense of freeing him from it. Really all it was for Ted was trading the responsibility for servitude, and he realized that when I wouldn’t let the captain take my rune.” Lazlo looked down at his hands, spreading the fingers of his left hand wide. “We had to fight the captain to escape. Ted took Soul Eater back as well, and we all got out of there as fast as possible. The ship vanished without a trace and I’ve never even heard any rumors of it since then.”

“He was just a kid when he got the rune,” I said, feeling like I needed try to defend Ted’s past decisions. “Of course he wanted to run from it. There are times when I wish I could too, and I was at least slightly more prepared when Soul Eater passed to me.”

“No, I don’t blame him a bit,” Lazlo agreed, shaking his head. “The captain’s offer was tempting. To not have to worry about the rune, knowing at all times that every time I chose to use it could be the last – if I hadn’t had Lino and the others with me, I don’t know what I would have chosen.” He fell silent, and I didn’t try to prompt him into continuing.

We fished in silence for a while until I finally got a bite. Even then, our conversation was limited to just a few words of congratulations and encouragement. We each ended up catching a few more fish before the sun began to set and we decided it was time to pack up and head in for the evening. Even though neither of us had much to say, the quiet between us was companionable rather than awkward.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visitor and an unplanned destination.

The days we stayed in Banner followed a very similar pattern. Lazlo and I would go fishing for most of the day, usually just sharing the dock in silence or talking about nothing. It was strangely comfortable to spend time with him, getting to know one another even though we didn’t speak much about the past. Sometimes Gremio joined us by the water, offering his own contribution to the conversation – which was at times considerably embarrassing since he had a full stock of stories about my childhood.

Each evening when we returned to the inn, Gremio would take whatever Lazlo and I caught and commandeer a corner of the kitchen in which to make dinner. I’d never met anyone who could pack food away like Lazlo could; even Pahn would have a hard time keeping up with him. Lazlo and I were becoming something like real friends in a very short amount of time, and I was grateful for his presence. Sometimes, though, I had to wonder if our acquaintance was bolstered by the runes. If I carried Ted’s soul with me, and Ted had known Lazlo, then by extension would that make Lazlo more familiar to me? It was an interesting line of thought, but one I kept to myself.

“What is it?” Lazlo asked, pulling my attention back to my immediate surroundings. It was then that I realized I’d been staring at him for who knew how long.

“Nothing!” I said quickly, shaking my head. “I was just lost in thought, that’s all.” I toyed with my spoon, my nearly untouched bowl of fish stew a sharp contrast to Lazlo’s; he was starting in on at least his third helping.

Gremio gave me a worried look. “Is it not good, Young Master?”

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s not that,” I said, trying to reassure him. “I was just thinking that we should probably talk about leaving this place.” It was only half a lie; I really had been thinking about that recently. “I like it here, but it might be best if we get away from the border. Relations between the City-State and the Sc- the Toran Republic aren’t the best, especially after Master Mathiu’s tactics during the war. I don’t think there would be any real fighting in this town, but if soldiers came here…” I trailed off, trying to find the right way to articulate what I meant.

“If the Republic found you here, you’d be dragged right back into the political position you’re just not ready for,” Gremio supplied, providing some of the words I was reaching for and simultaneously managing to make me sound at least a little less like the coward I felt I was. “And if the City-State found you here…”

“We can see about getting a ride on one of the boats going North to Radat,” Lazlo suggested. I was grateful that he took the idea in stride and he didn’t try to push for more details about my running away from the government I’d had a hand in bringing into power in the first place. “And then we can figure out where to go from there,” Lazlo continued. “I wouldn’t mind heading to Muse, actually. Would you be interested in going there?”

“It’s as good a place to start as any,” Gremio said, glancing in my direction. “What do you think, Young Master?”

“You’re right; it’s a good start.” I wasn’t sure about it, really, but the two of them seemed to be in agreement. “Tomorrow morning let’s go down to the docks and see if anyone there will take us north.”

***

Since I was used to attempting to travel around the Scarlet Moon Empire as part of a resistance movement, the ease with which we found a vessel willing to ferry us to Radat felt downright shocking. It only took a little asking around that morning before we were aboard, packed in relatively comfortably with barrels of fish and other trade goods. It was all very uneventful, which admittedly put me on edge. I expected an attack at any moment; from whom, I had no idea. I just knew that it all felt far too easy.

Even after we’d left Banner behind and were out on the river, my anxiety didn’t leave; all it did was change to a deep restlessness that wouldn’t let me sit still. For a while I stayed with Gremio inside the cabin with the captain, but I knew that my fidgeting was making the crew uncomfortable. Out on the deck, the cool breeze off the water was soothing even if it did nothing to ease my restless feelings.

Lazlo had spent the majority of the trip at the bow of the boat, just leaning on the rail and gazing out at the river ahead of us with a faraway look in his eyes. He hadn’t struck me as tense before, but it was clear that he was more relaxed, more at home, when he was on the water. I wished I could have some of the peace he had obviously found out here.

“Hey,” I said, joining him at the ship’s front. “Do you think we’re getting close?” To my surprise, Lazlo jumped like I’d startled him out of a deep reverie.

“Oh- yes,” Lazlo replied, holding a hand up to his forehead to shield his eyes from the sun. “The town should be just a little further ahead. We should start seeing the outskirts anytime now.” He waved his other hand to indicate the steep, rocky banks on both sides of the river and the uncultivated land beyond them. 

“I think Gremio is looking forward to being back on land,” I said, following Lazlo’s gesture to look out across the water with him. “Are you going to miss the boat? You seem much more comfortable like this than you did before.”

“It’s…” Lazlo stopped, obviously searching for the words he wanted and coming up empty. He shrugged; it was a gesture that spoke volumes to someone like me, who understood what it was like to be unable to word something and had employed the gesture for the same purpose before. “It’s nostalgic,” he tried, following up with another of those encompassing shrugs.

There were some things that couldn’t be explained in the words we had at our disposal. While I would never fully understand or know exactly where Lazlo was coming from and the things he’d experienced in his life, I felt like on some level I could connect with what he meant. It was probably a lot like how he felt when it came to me, too.

I let Lazlo slip back into his thoughts, too preoccupied with my own to hold up my end of a conversation anyway. There was no way to predict what would happen after we landed in Radat. It was finally starting to sink in that I was in a totally different country now – possibly, hopefully one where people had no idea who I was. I wouldn’t be a symbol of civil war to them; I’d just be like any other teenager. The thought was liberating and left me breathless and strangely buoyant, finally letting me feel real excitement about this aimless journey and chasing away some of the anxious restlessness.

True to Lazlo’s prediction, it was only a little while longer before the untamed lands beyond the shore became cultivated fields and farmhouses. Not long after, the whole city of Radat came into view, spread out along the river and much larger than I had expected. The docks were separated from the main square by houses of varying sizes, and even from our vantage point I could see that the majority of the roads were paved with stone. Clearly it was a prosperous place, which was likely due to trade from the harbor to the surrounding cities farther inland.

Spanning the river a ways ahead of us was a massive dam and sluice gate. With the river barred, it made sense that the town must have been a trade hub; ships couldn’t get past the dam to get to other cities, so any trade with the Toran Republic especially would have to pass through Radat first. The sight of it made me feel justified in believing that this city must hold some power. It also drove home the realization that this was no small town.

The exhilaration that had been building in my chest was throttled by a sudden bout of nerves. A big, important city was likely to have important people living in it; I wasn’t an unknown figure. There had been so many rumors about me flying around the Scarlet Moon Empire that some of them had to have traveled north to the City-State as well. Would there be people who would know me on sight like there were in my home country?

I took a steadying breath, feeling Lazlo’s attention shift to me but ignoring his knowing look. Instead of confiding my worries in him, I raised my hand to wave Gremio over as he stepped out onto the deck. I liked Lazlo, but just having Gremio’s presence near me was the only reassurance I needed at the moment.

“It shouldn’t be long before we’re docked,” Gremio said, making his way over to join us. “Do you have all of your things, Young Master? Master Lazlo?”

“I think we’re all set,” Lazlo confirmed, pushing away from the rail and picking up his pack from the deck at his feet. “You ready, Tir?” he asked, a double-question contained in one.

“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “I need to go get my bag, but everything is packed. I’m ready.” Surprisingly, maybe, I really did feel ready. Even if I was, by chance, recognized, there was nothing for anyone to gain from it. I was no longer a leader or a figurehead or anything important. I was just another traveler on an aimless journey.

Gremio and I headed inside to get my pack, making sure to stay out of the way as the ship pulled in to the dock. Lazlo jumped in to help the crew, scrambling about the deck to take care of all the different steps in the mystifying process. I’d heard most of the terms before, just from being around Tai Ho, but the words still might as well have been in Sindarin for all the good they did me. In what felt like no time, the boat was docked securely in the shadow of the dam.

I pulled up the hood of my cloak; even if I had finally convinced myself once and for all that it wouldn’t be the worst case scenario if I was recognized, I knew better than to tempt fate. After all, you never knew what sort of mood she might be in. I fully intended to do whatever I could to not draw her attention in my direction again. I was still recovering from the first time.

We got clear of the chaos of the docks as quickly as we could, leaving the rowdy hustle and bustle by way of the well-worn dirt road that led into town. With the good look I’d gotten from the boat, I knew the road would not stay dirt for long. Lazlo seemed slightly reluctant to leave the waterside, but he came along with us without saying anything.

The town proper, when we finally reached it, was nearly as busy as the docks had been. Storefronts and houses coexisted side by side, the shops selling everything from basic medicine to priceless antiques – at least, what they claimed where priceless antiques. It reminded me of Lenankamp, but more level and with a different style of architecture. I knew the comparison was silly, but I couldn’t shake the feeling.

I had a split-second of warning. The smells of the town – food cooking, the clean air off the water, the sun-baked stones underfoot – were momentarily replaced by a gust of wind as pure as the air at the top of a mountain. I’d encountered it before, and memory halted me in my tracks before he even appeared.

He came out of nowhere. One moment the space in front of me was empty; the next moment, it was occupied. Gremio’s hand went to the hilt of his axe, and I heard Lazlo’s twin blades slide free. I knew Gremio would stop as soon as recognition won out over his being startled, but Lazlo was a wild card.

“Luc!” I said quickly, trying to establish that he was a friend before anything bad could happen. “What are you doing here?” With how quickly Luc had left after the final battle, I had never expected to see him again. Now here we were again just this short time later.

“Teleportation magic?” Lazlo asked, sounding impressed by still a little wary. I was relieved to see him return his swords to their sheaths.

“Hey Tir,” Luc said brushing his hair out of his eyes and scowling at us. I didn’t mind his attitude much, but I knew it bothered Gremio. “Lady Leknaat sent me. She wants to see you.” He looked away from me, instead fixing Lazlo with that insolent green stare. “And you.”

“Me?” Lazlo’s brow furrowed. “Why me? She just saw me.”

“I didn’t ask,” Luc said with a dismissive shrug. “I don’t really care, either. I’m just the messenger and transportation.”

As Luc spoke, I felt the air around us shift. I grabbed Gremio’s arm and held on tight; there was no way to know if Luc intended to leave him behind. I heard a small “Tch,” of annoyance from Luc just before the wind picked up and the world went dark.

I guess fate had been tempted despite my efforts to the contrary.


End file.
